Portland, Oregon (PDX).

Here it is!
Check this bacon-topped donut. Fuckin' gross, man.

So I spent the past week in Portland, OR (PYT status is DEFINITE), which practically makes me a native, which means that I am cooler than my pre-trip, East Coast self. Or so I keep telling myself.

Portland is, after all, my entire motivation behind pioneering this blog—which I have not in fact named yet. Why, you ask? Well, if you’ll remember, I’m the one who came up with names like “Good Seed of the Month” and “Define Dining” for section titles in a leading nonprofit’s newsletter in PA. I call myself a writer, but I can’t come up with titles to save my life.

I feel that I’ve changed a bit since my experience in the uber-chill City of Roses, especially since I found several new things to copy off of people and then play off as my own innovative ideas to my homies (Pittsburgh suckers!). Like these, for instance:

Blogging. My Couchsurfing host, one-of-the-coolest-guys-ever J.Rein has a pretty sweet blog or two: turtleheadfever.blogspot.com and molesareweird.blogspot.com (No, I still refuse to offer up my own “macro-images” or whatever you term them. Moles are disgusting, not weird.) So yeah, he gave me the idea. That reminds me of my very favorite blog: FUCK YEAH BEARDS. Mmm.

Friendliness. Who woulda thought? Portlanders are friendly. It’s not ‘weird’ or ‘crazy-like’ to spit out a ‘Hi’ when passing one another on the street like it is in Pittsburgh and other East Coast places I’ve been. Disclaimer: Portlanders, according to some Portlanders that I met on my trip, are a kind of fake friendly, meaning they will smile and say hi and make small talk, but aren’t ever really interested in having a conversation. And apparently it’s pretty difficult to make friends there. Great.

Communal Yard Sales. They’re everywhere in summertime in Portland. I’m already thinking of who I can pair up with and what shit I can get rid of to simplify my life. Bonus good idea: Sell patrons martinis in a martini glass… buy the martini and get a complimentary martini glass!

FREE Boxes. People just leave boxes of the shit they don't want anymore out and about on their lawns. How exciting! While in town, I found a VHS of Romeo + Juliet and saw an entire set of toy cars.

Interior Decorating. More than a few Portlanders were probably freaked out when my big azz head and owl-like eyes were peaking into their windows after dark. It was just ‘cause I like all of o' y’alls decorating though, honest!!

Language Lessons. It never occurred to me that one can still take classes post-high school and/or college. Fuck you, LiveMocha. I’m still only 32% complete with French 101 and I haven’t learned anything but “boy,” (le garcon) “girl,” (la fille) and “candle” (la bougie). And even now I had to double check with freetranslation.com.

Board Game Spin-offs. Like "Speed Scrabble." So much better than regular Scrabble. Though there are still times when word validity is questioned (rue? roo? rew?), at least you don't have to wait twenty-seven hours to finish a damn game. 

Bicycle Add-ons. I've contemplated this on the E. Coast too, but in PDX the baskets and crates and pouches, etc. just seem so much hipper, making me all the more eager to try my hand at wrenching it up.

Local Food, Foodies. Truth be told, I've probably gained about five pounds while here. With all the pizza, donuts, falafel, fried food, milkshakes, liquor and cheap beer I've consumed added in with a serious lack of exercise (besides walking), there is absolutely no logical way that I'm achieving a balance of intake to output. Yikes.  

 

Alright, time to sign off. Toodles.